"To Be" Worried and Wonder

I've experienced worry at varying degrees of concern. Worry that I made the wrong decision picking one pizza flavour to another. Worry I will not do well at a challenge, my free time is at stake, or how others perceive me. These natural worries have felt like a tight knot in my chest, a constant tape in my head rolling of worst case scenarios, and feeling anxious. They multiply when the well-being and/or health of yourself or another being is at the forefront. When unclear of what is happening or going to happen, I resort to creating scenarios of what could be to give me an oz. of control of the future. The downfall of doing this often causes over-worry and crossing to many bridges to the unknown. Having an open heart comes easy to me and I find light and love in most of every thing, person, place and creature. Because of my caring and loving nature, I feel that I am living fully in this state and seek joy easily. It is wonderful but perhaps it comes at a cost? Carrying the weight of other peoples worry and wonder. It has been a difficult journey but a freeing one that I can open my heart to others and be present for people when their heart's hurt; All the while giving people their own autonomy of navigating the emotions we don't find pleasurable. It does not feel great to watch people suffer and if I could end all suffering I would, but I am not Disneyland.

It is a lifelong practice to invite worry to hang out in our brain and find peace in the same space. I thought that if we get rid of worry or do a particular action to remove it, we will be better. haha I guess not.

My 9 simple steps I tend to take when dealing with a worry wart:

1. worry

2. internal dialogue: "you keep worrying, isn't that enough worry for the day?"

3. "you are still thinking about this?" I am shaming myself now and thinking about past experiences that relate to this one

4. angry at me and the universe for feeling this way

5. I then: call someone to vent, blast music, then say "you are not in an emergency"

6. maybe cry some ( crying is a good release ).

7. perhaps get frustrated that I'm still feeling this way or either feel ready to work on my breathing

8. say it is okay

9. place my hand above my heart to feel it beating and have gratitude for being human.

It isn't always those 9 steps nor in that order but I have gone through it.

The mediation practice of R.A.I.N by Tara Brach has been a tremendous help to highlight times when I want to rid an unpleasant feeling or am judging myself for the feelings I am having.

I will leave it here. The reminder that worry is in fact meant to exist. It warns and protects ourselves from harm at its foundation - survival. If it did not exist we would run red lights on the regular and walk into sharks open mouths. It is a matter of how much we allow the thought and feelings of worry to consume us.

When we experiencing worry we practice R.A.I.N and breathe for a count of four. You know what? Maybe a run would feel best! Go pretend that a dinosaur is chasing you - then you'll have something to worry about... ahh, perspective (that helps to).

With love and kindness,

Zoey Fern xoxo