"To Be" Creating The Life You Want

There is space between chasing your desires and capturing those dreams, it's the moments in between. An ounce of patience and a dash of hopefulness can result in a splendid batch of cookies. The journey to getting what you want has a lot of bumps and red lights but your future self is proud of you. Picture a time you planned a huge event or had a major project to deliver. The balance between working towards something and waiting the time can be tough. This picture here is of lovely dirt at the front entrance of our new home. The double rainbow signifies just how lucky I am to dwell in this new space with Conrad. The time and work my dude has spent growing this place for our future selves, to soak up, is remarkable. This project is one that has blown me away; for several years, I watched it slowly rise and display all the choices he and I have made, to make it uniquely our own. This build tested my patience for it took many weekends away from date nights. I would wonder when we would move in and where I would work then, BOOM...

Like all good things that happen at once, I got offered a job in Drumheller working with youth, opened up a Massage business, and moved into our forever home! I got everything I wanted in a 2-week window. The transition was fast though (I haven't written a blog in 4 months, can you tell I am hustling?). My first day of work was the morning after I moved here and ever since I have jammed my weekends with summer fun and surgery to remove an ovarian cyst. I even wrapped up all of my online courses for my school to jump ahead for year 2. I am thrilled with myself today! But all of these rewards came with endless loads of tasks. Even though I am proud of myself, I have found my body slouching in a chair for more than I want to. I continue to surprise myself when I wake up thinking how quickly time passes.

This new role that I am in to create and facilitate youth programming, is something I feel so thrilled about doing. I have prepared myself for an opportunity like this to take a lead on event planning. In this position, I get to apply for grants as well which is something I am new at. It is also a new place. So much newness, that it has tugged on my vulnerability. Waking up with ground-level confidence to jump in full swing has had me so nervous. I have been here before, standing in a new experience, fragile as a glass of wine. Thinking, oh no what have I signed up for... I am not ready, I am scared... retreat, retreat. Like always though, brave Zoey wants to soak up as much information as she can by asking people for help. The pressure I have put on myself to make things happen has been overwhelming so I remind myself when things feel hard that, "I am doing the best I can."

Is it just me or have you also questioned your abilities? Have you thought that you won't be able to pass that test, meet a sweet guy, nail that job interview, get a holiday soon, or find a best friend?

Thinking of the worst-case scenario can often take the pressure off, is the worse thing even that bad? Does this problem you are experiencing deserve to disrupt your sleep or make your tummy twirl? You do not deserve to feel like crap.

I say, we dive deep into the direction of our dreams and if we tumble, we tumble. List what brings you joy and do something about that when you are feeling heavy.

Joy list,

1. sunsets

2. soft music

3. stand up comedy

4. scalp massages

5. dancing

6. fresh air

7. gazing at a bird

8. cozy blankets

9. writing a sweet note for someone to come across it

Remember that what you do speaks to who you are over time. How do you want to be seen and known to yourself? Do you want to be someone that jogs? go for a 1 km jog, there now you are someone who jogs - rock on. If we want to make achievements in this world, our daily actions toward something great even in small bits, pile up before we know it. Let's narrow down what it is that we want so that we don't look like chickens with our heads cut off trying to be everything all at once. Only chocolate can be that. The best thing at any time; is love, comfort, and your best friend wrapped in a sweet package. Wait, that's you... you are a package of love!

So love,

reflect now, wherever you are while reading this (at work, in bed, on an elevator, toilet, in line for a bagel). What do you want in this life? I vote for less chaos, more sweaty bodies, and yummy nachos.

Where are you going to squeeze in your daily actions to achieve your dreams and find fun? Do something that is difficult but rewarding, then gift yourself the joy of leisure. Repeat.

What have been your recent wins this summer? This year? Celebrate your wins even if an achievement seems small, and recognize your efforts.

My last note is this. I take this moment now to recognize all the good that I have. Gratitude brings the joy in my life that I bury when I forget to take a moment to remember the good. No matter the failures, the losses, the regrets... you have all that you have in your heart and you are loved big time. Choose today that this life has beauty and wonder. Rinse your day off, tap your toes to a beat, and cherish the human experience, all the while reppin' a messy hair bun.

Create the life you want right now in your mind. It is yours.

Sweet dreams,

Zoey Fern xoxo