"To Be" Making Peace With Your Own Body

Here is a face of someone who feels better about themselves when layered in cosmetic juices. It is fun to get dressed up to go out for dinner in Banff, let me tell you. It is pleasing to get arts and crafty on your face for an evening, always. But I dare to admit that it is not fun to feel uncomfortable to leave the house without covering up the blemishes and scars. Even amongst all the unconditional self-love talk, do I seem to carry insecurities in my purse and in the unrealistic sized pockets of my jeans.

Up until this year, I never allowed myself permission to walk this earth O'natural. I packed mascara on my 7-day mountain bike expedition. I would re-apply makeup in the bathroom during a date that I was not even enjoying. Why? God doesn't even know.

Some days are worse than others. And I am talking before and during a period. For 1/3 of a month I feel like Arianna Grande (in my prime). Then, out of the darkness, a bloated/overwhelmed/hungry/snacky/sensitive skinned lady appears. She sticks around. I cannot pin point the day but all of a sudden I feel back to "normal" and level headed. Those are the days when I feel good about my body head to toe! This whole process that woman have to navigate is torturous and wild. Ladies, you. are. being dealt some shitty cards...but you keep rising above it! I cannot wait for the day scientist can convert us into sea horses.

This year has been symbolic for me in that I have taken initiative to address my mild-moderate acne that clearly impacts my life on a daily basis. I have been prescribed different medications that have come with their own complications. I am still hopeful in finding a suitable cream to free me from my suffering. I will note that there is no medication or one person's validation that will trump my own freeing of my mind. Throughout this process I have learned to appreciate myself for all that I am. I am so much more than what I look like or ponder over what others think of me. To know that I am enough right now is freeing in itself. I want to tell my 13 year old self this. I will tell every person this.

My inspiration to reflect this evening stemmed from Brene Brown's "Unlocking Us Podcast" interviewing Sonya Renee Taylor. Thanks to my sister for encouraging me to listen and elaborating on what Sonya created as the 3 Peace's. One of them being: Make peace with your own body. She explains "if you still see difference as bad than all the ways in which you are different will always be bad. She speaks about this hierarchical latter that is dividing us when we compare ourselves to one another in saying to ourselves "I'm trying to get out of my bad body into some better body".

It was a v good podcast.

To end off this post I would like to share with you some exciting news. To me it was exciting- label it what suits best for you. I was recently informed by a cosmetic medical doctor (is that what they are called?) that the rationale to my dark lined scar above my upper lip is a dirt tattoo! This scar that I was inquiring to REMOVE because I was bothered by the dark line is now one of my most proud features. Scars do tell a story and mine is clearly epic. That mountain bike crash I had 3 years ago where I cheese grated my face on the dirt... well I guess when the stiches were healing, dirt healed into it.

I am truly one with nature. Made up of star dust and earth soil. Bad A$$.

All I did was change my perception. All we need in this world is more love and acceptance.

Surely, there are parts of you that you have wanted to or did change, alter, or remove. Perhaps these thoughts or decisions were intended to better your health or confidence. No matter what you buy or hear from others, let the voice in your head speak louder when it says to you that you are enough.

Promise me this. That you will make peace with your own body. Let your boobs be too small or too big if you say so. Let your hair be messy and your tummy feel accepted.

Make peace <3,

Zoey Fern.