"To Be" My Back With Girls Having It

Without arms wrapped around the tops of my shoulder blades for hugs these days, I am receiving love in many other avenues from my main pals. A life with my girlfriends makes living feel like being at a wonderful carnival. Each day is full of festivities over the phone through calls and video chats. I am deeply grateful for the friends I have found and connected with over the past 5 years. There are some that I do not connect with on a regular bases that have checked in and some where I will call three times in one day without feeling any shame or guilt. I never truly feel alone as I have so many gal pals near and far that enjoy chitter chatter with me.

I am honestly heart broken for those that do not feel that have a "some.body" to reach out to. Complete and utter loneliness would be the most empty experience. I would never want anyone to suffer such feelings. However, it would be hard to remove the act of feeling or being alone for it is going to happen; people leave people/people attach to people/people natural crave connections to other people. I witness youth at risk, who are removed from their families, experience loneliness and it tears me to pieces. No one should endure such pain; I wish that every person could be loved just as much as me. I want to love everyone. Even the people who caused me harm, they deserve love; they need it the most. It only takes one positive adult in a child's life to make a difference for their world. I am truly honoured for the positive connections and a supportive community I had in a somewhat fallen down home that I lived in growing up. I attribute the bright outlook I have today to those people who listened, believed, and supported me. I only hope to be that someone for somebody. I believe I am doing it in my daily work and for anyone reading this feeling alone, I am here.

It is a vulnerable thing to reach out to people when in need or feeling a desire for connection. Whether a friend or loved one, sometimes asking for things (even just peoples time) can make one feel perhaps "weak" or "desperate." I can speak for myself and agree to these typed words of mine. I would consider myself a tough cookie who doesn't need anyone to make me happy cus I am a professional athlete who trusts no one.

Nah... I am a soft cookie, but that's why people love me, a warm and comforting presence - hot out of the oven.

You are not a bother.

You are not an inconvenience.

You are not annoying.

You are worthy.

You are valued.

You are sweet.

For the most part, I am comfortable speaking my truth. I typically don't hesitate to ask for help or a hand when I am in need. But I am learning that others do. Some are reserved and/or feel nervous. How vulnerable must you be to ask for a hand or dial a persons number, and I think that is brave of you. I am working on trusting myself more that when I reach out to some, that I am not an inconvenience and that people would love to hear from me. People would love to hear from you too.

We gotta hold each other up, like a strange stone statue from Europe. This whole life thing would be a dismal to do on ones own. Don't. It doesn't have to be that way. The online can connect us for now and in time we will (if we aren't terrified) be hugging each other shortly.

To go back to the carnival, this place is a dream. I have found wholesome friends. I had a dear one just drop off butter on my doorstep this evening, thanks Olivia.

Thank you Rachel W. for holding me from blocks away & offering me love unconditionally.

To Brooklyn, you keep me strong and hold my hand from any distance, thnx babe.

Sarah, you are the worlds greatest listener and most heartfelt friend, thank you.

Kate V. the motherly sister friend that has always had my back & support, feenx.

Kaylee, I appreciate your zest for living on natures creation of earth and rainbows- you are magic & make me feel magical;I love you.

Ayra. My actual sister friend. I just want to cry thinking of you. I have so much space for you in my heart, in my entire body. I wouldn't want life any other way with you. love love u.

Thank you Kathleen for believing in all of me and for filling my belly with food.

Rachel K. I feel so human around you. I am grateful to live in your space that is our space. Your hugs are cozy as can be, thank ya!

Alexis, you have been thoughtful and compassionate to me all these years and I have valued our relationship from the beginnings, thnx.

Elli N. You are the coolest person that existed. & you think I am a rock-star...we should start a band. SO lucky I met you at yoga teacher training <3

Libby, Thank you for believing in me and following my adventurous spirit. You have been a strong support network in my life and I am grateful!

Avery, you are a bright light in my life, inspiring me to live life fully and with love, I thank you for all our moments together.

Emily M. I miss you all the way from Nova Scotia. Thank you for supporting me and offering me adventure and laughter through all the beautiful and challenging days.

Kara F., thanks for your teachings in soaking up life and daring greatly

Laura A. I am honoured to know you. To be connected with you . To have eaten your vegan mac & cheese. I love you long time.

Thank you Trista for reaching out to me and offering your light. You are kind/you are gentle <3

Nikko, you are so thoughtful of all humans and animals! I am glad to know you and that we

have a connection.

Dimitra, my yogi from afar. I am so proud of you and happy that we have each other no matter the distance.

Juliana, I am glad to have met you & for your teachings in yoga and healing. Thank you for supporting me.

Chelsea, our timeline has been special~from the days in kindergarten to now. We have grown and I am proud of us. Thank you for your support and praise.

To every single person I have connected with, thank you for your time and space.

I am sure I missed special humans, I have a lot to thank you for! For now, I wrap up in saying, my girls have my back <3

xoxox

ZoEy FeRn