"To Be" Experiencing Uncertainty.

Living while not knowing, that is what being human is. We can make decisions using our "best guess" based on rational judgments however we cannot gaurentee much of anything.

That is scary.

Mind you, we are certainly able to confirm some things, thanks to science. That the Earth rotates in one day and orbits the sun in a year. That consuming dairy when you are lactose, will cause discomfort. That we age with time.

But I want to discuss the part of our thought processes that we grip onto so dearly, in trying to identify the direction of our lives. The ideal career, the place of residing, the health of our bodies. Our purpose.

Can we have this purpose that guides us all the while accepting that we may not know where we are going?

I know that I am a good person. I certainly know that I want to serve others. I value connection and health. I am a lover of spending time in nature and personal development. I have a lot of diverse skills and am ambitious as hell (my friend Rachel told me that I am a Ferrari of the car world).

Combining all of my experiences and skill sets, I am still at a blank on what truly it is I want to do. This feeling of uncertainty has been making me feel:

worried

stuck

frustrated

insecure

lonely

irritated

helpless

What gets me out of this mindset, is knowing that I am not alone. I have heard it from many people near to me. I am sure everyone all over the world has pondered over their purpose, their career.

Not everyone knows and that is okay. Even when you know, do you know? I watched a Ted Talk last week that spoke about how the new norm is people changing their careers 15 times.

That is wild.

I am in the works of accepting this uncertainty. I am grateful of the opportunities I have had and I am proud to be where I am currently.

I often wonder and daydream about a perfect life. My ideal day. It is always in the future. It is good to dream and have visions for sure, but can I pause for a moment. In this moment, in this precious life I have - can I be here now. This life of mine is close to perfect now as I have love, food, and some money (haha) surrounding me. My body is warmed with layers and I have a solid ceiling above me. The bright sun lighting up this coffee shop right now, brings me joy. My current job offers me teaching moments and pays my bills. I am learning and growing day by day. I will search for new challenges and adventures with knowing that I have no idea where it will lead me.

Life is the neatest game. It isn't even about the wins and the loses; it is about the dice rolls, the opportunities for changes and experiences. I have taken on so many that have led me here and I can wait to see what I roll next.

Trust.

If you feel at all the way that I do, in which some days are easy and others are hard, that is life. You are living. Take the moments that were hard, the times you were at rock bottom, and note them. Decide what it is you do not want and leap into the things that you do. Continue to participate in what ever it is that brings you joy. Make connections with people. Reset and recharge often. Trust in the universe, even when she is being a b*$#&.

Yours Truly,

Zoey Fern.