The world of online dating, is one that I hop in and out of - this is because I imagine there to be a Zac Efron just a few swipes away for me. This unrealistic dream is lost when I find myself hopelessly swiping every free moment. I often get frustrated with myself for spending time on such an app that consumes energy that could be better served somewhere else. For those who do not agree with dating apps, you mite as well stop reading now for this blog is dedicated to my ever disappointing dating journey and some tricks and tips I have gathered over time and now offer to you, my fellow swipers.

As a youngster, I pictured myself with an "Edward Cullen" looking fella. Someone that would walk me to a bridge and kiss me under a full moon. HA! What a joke. Honestly, dating apps have officially ruined romance. Yes that is a negative opinion but I feel my experiences dating at this age is more awful that it would have been for my sister at this age, and even my mother! Technology has turned us into robots, where it's somehow acceptable to chat to multiple people at once, ghost at any point in time, and everyone is hesitant to commit. It is as if we are easily disposable now; where is the romance in that?! I am aware that there are exceptions; some people are gems and many relationships have flourished from online-dating! Right on you guys, those stories are what keeps me from deleting the apps or encourage me to re-download them. Vicious cycle.

I have learned a lot about my self along this journey. Mostly that I felt a need to search for someone. Ultimately that is what dating apps are for. More and more I've found that you need to be in the right head space to be using these apps.

Things I remind myself of regularly,

1. "You are not going to find someone when you look - its when you least expect it." (It is so annoying to hear this but it is a reminder to stop focusing on finding someone and focus that energy on something else!... so you don't go crazy)

2. You do not need to be validated by anyone. ( I know that I am great and do wonderful things, I don't need a man to remind me of that)

3. "How old are you? oh, Zoey you are so young. Who cares about boys" (Oh thanks to all the people who told me this in relationships - i am not bitter) But it is true! Only 22 whoop whoop!

4. "You will meet someone" (Thanks dad, when?!)

5. Look at all the free time you have to spend how YOU want it! (yyaahhhs - yoga and homework for dayz).

Now the good stuff! For who ever is reading this - my sister or closest friends who already know my stories - here is some things based on my experience that I recommend you should and should not do when online-dating:

Should do -

- Make a bio and when you do, be funny. Also, be positive! ...Is this working for me? idk.

- Have more than 2 photos & not just selfies (so you look like you actually do stuff)

- For the guys: have pictures with more than just you and your friends!! Which one are you?! probably not the hot one. You should take offense to that.

- Ensure the other person has social media or plans to meet you right away - otherwise.. YOU'LL GET CATFISHED. (true story bro)

- Meet in a public space

- Ask the mutual friend if the person you matched with is cool

Should Not Do -

- Don't go to their house the first date. (red flag)

- Do not meet after 9 pm (red flag)

- Do not go on an "adventure" with him the first date, that could be a brutal car ride if they are lame... any maybe not safe. (like the one time I brought a dude on a camping trip. wasn't ideal)

- Do not talk too much before meeting (wheres the fun in that?)

- Do not swipe yes to someone who you have matched with before and it never went anywhere (waste of time).

- On that note, don't recycle

- I don't advise you go on a second date if you did not enjoy the first one, don't settle! I've been on so many dates where all the guy did was talk about himself. ( red flag)

- Don't respond to someone who talks to you inappropriately. (red flag)

- Don't tell yourself you are not good enough. you are more than enough!

Feel free to disregard my advice and follow your own path. For me, I have been given a lot of advice along the way- whether I asked for it or not! A lot of it had to be disregarded because the heart wants what it wants, whether it's best for you or not. I made these points for you because I often wish I used them at times.

Sometimes I ask myself whether or not I chose the right pictures and question if my bio is good enough or not but I shouldn't question who I am. Someone will like me for me and if they don't, then they aren't right for me. It sounds so simple but it is very accurate!

I have been on a lot of dates and I did get a relationship from one once but I don't want to settle anymore. Just becuase someone is talking to me, doesn't mean they are the right person for me. If I am to keep "bumbling" I am not going to go in with expectations but I will hold a set of standards, respect myself, and decide what is best for me! I am much much more aware of what it is I am looking for and I am proud of myself for defining those things!

But hey, bumble isn't my only resource! Perhaps I fall in love with someone at the midtown co-op downtown - that place is filled with beauties.

May the odds be ever in your favor,

Zoey Fern. xxx